October Twenty-Ninth Two-Thousand-Ten

October 29, 2010

Good morning everyone. I didn’t sleep last night. But don’t tell anyone.

On the negative side, I missed Sociology today once again so that I could write an English paper instead, and a crappy English paper at that. I need to accept the fact that I absolutely cannot get any type of academic work done surrounded by my staffmates and to avoid spending time around them when I need to being finishing work. But oh well.

So. The guy in the Finance Office is really cute. And I looked like shit today because, as I said, and I wasn’t kidding, I did not sleep. But he still was super smiley and nice to me today when I paid my parking ticket. He very well might’ve just been nice and smiley as a course of good customer service, but of course I’d like to think it’s something more. He’s probably married, or has a long term boyfriend or something. … Oh well. I’d like to take him out to coffee… or something. Anything.

Anyway. I’m going to continue my sleep deprived day for two-and-a-half more hours. Then I’m going to take a three to four hour nap and wake up for duty. =D! Oh boy… do I love mess myself up. This is about as crazy as doing hardcore drugs, without the legal implications. I can’t say there aren’t health implications though, or that this doesn’t affect my functionality, especially in regards to attending Sociology class. But… I had a fit of insomnia, and gave into it. =) I also knew that if I did go to sleep last night, I would have never written my English paper before class. Okay. Time to head off. I will lamely update this ridiculous rodent hole sometime in the relatively near futuer. Lots of love. Alex


Chicago and College and Laptops (Oh my!)

July 7, 2009

Hey all. So for once, I’m really excited about life. Today is July 7th – almost July 8th. College classes start August 25th. Annnd … I’m hoping to go on a trip to Chicago with a special someone in September to see a Regina Spektor concert! And much more of course … I really need to exercise more. That was random. But it’s very true. I have tingling in my legs. They need to run or bike or something.

Anyway: College. There’s not a lot to say except I finished my summer math class … with a C.  😦  Very, very, very sad day. However, it is entirely and completely my fault. I was just lazy. Need I say more?

Laptops: I want this one. The cheap version on the left. My parents, who promised they would buy me a laptop for my graduation, literally can’t afford one right now, so I’m probably going to get their approval, pay for it myself, and hope they pay me back sometime. I can’t decide if I want to get an obnoxious color or just to leave it black. Thoughts?

Also in the realm of technology: I used to text using the Abc method. I am now slowly shifting to T9Word. It’s kind of weird and annoying at first, but I’m managing.

Okay … now Chicago! Or should I talk about college and careers first? No. Chicago. Omg, I’m so excited. I’ve been to Chicago at least three times before in my life but never for longer than two days. So naturally, there’s a lot I’ve been wishing I could see. Places I have been include the Magnificent Mile, Navy Pier, the Shedd Aquarium – all the tourist traps. Also, I’ve been to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra Hall and to this one pizza place in Chinatown whose name I cannot remember for the life of me. So where do I want to go … well, I’d really like to go to Boystown (the gay district) except one problem. Both me and my friend are just under 21. I’m sure though, if we look, there are still a  few things to do. Pride weekend was apparently just a week ago – June 28th. Drat. Oh well. But about Regina Spektor … Iiii’m not a huge fan, mainly because I only know 1 1/2 of her songs. But I’m hoping I can cultivate a love, or at least a like, of her so that I can appreciate the concert. It’s pretty much the driving force getting my friend to come with.

Annnnd speaking of college and Chicago … my same-age cousin is going to Concordia University, Chicago! I’m so excited for her. She deserves it – she has a very strong spiritual background and moreover, has great musical talent, so I’m not surprised she was admitted. Also, I have one of those friends that you meet once in real life, add to Facebook, and then don’t see again for a really long time, if ever. This one is named Steph. However, I’ve kept in touch with, she is super awesome, and right now she is living in the windy city, so I’m hoping to say “Hello!”

The other big component of this is money. I have spent way too much of it since getting my first job in August 2008. Therefore, I have committed to saving $100/week out of my paycheck which can only be spent on education purposes and major purchases – important things like traveling and auto maintenance, not clothing (unfortunately). Also, I used the deposit box on the ATM to deposit my last paycheck and it WORKED. I’m proud of myself. Except now I can’t remember if I cashed the two graduation checks I got late. I would look it up but I’m using the hotel computer and it’s extremely slow.  lol … there’s this guy flirting with the girl at the desk behind me. It’s really funny. He’s cute though, omg. So anyway.

Where the heck should I go in Chicago?! The Magnificent Mile is pretty amazing. I could spend a few days there. Honestly, I think if we hit up my cousin, my friend, The Magnificent Mile, Boystown, and Chinatown, we’ll have more than a full schedule. Navy Pier is sort of fun, but not as fun as everything else.

I just can’t wait! ^_^       (>_<)

I can’t decide if we should bring our bikes. I want to have a picnic if it’s not too cold. I also want to search for second hand designer label stores in Chicago. But this computer is so $%^&ing slow … that’s not too much of a possibility. Aha! I found a map of the bike trails in Chicago online. There’s a really pretty paved off-road trail that goes along the shore of Lake Michigan. Awesome.

Holy crap. So I decided to try searching for second hand stores on this computer. I got like 57256982035720357923502203750239 results. Ok… well I have to leave for the moment but I probably will write a part 2 to this … hasta luego chiquiticas!

To Do: Wed. June 10th

June 10, 2009

Hey… I’m just figuring out what I need to do … I’m kind of bored.

See, I was going to go through my clothes and pick out the ones I don’t want anymore. The entire subdivision that I live in is having a huge mega-garage sale this Fri and Sat.  So I was hoping to sell some of my old crap. But my dad is using my room to practice some sort of presentation he’s giving that it seems he is too paranoid about giving. How bad can it be, honestly? Aside from that, I really want Gap to call me back for an interview. -crosses fingers- I think they would’ve called by now. I would stop by and ask except it’s too late now; they’re about to close and the manager wouldn’t be there anyway.

One thing I need to for sure do, and can do actually, at this very moment in time, is my math homework. I don’t need a haircut. But I think I want one. I like long hair. And I like short hair. It’s a tough decision. -shrug- And yes, I do notice that I’m totally talking about nothing but myself and being relatively boring.

So I should talk about this whale that exploded in Taiwan. But that will be another post.

I also want to get a tan. Somehow. Getting it the outdoor way would be nice but I don’t know if I’m that patient or if I’ll be outside that much. But I’d like to be. I’m not working tomorrow! If there were any parties I knew about I would go but nobody tells me about these things. And alcohol is bad for you anyway. ^_^ hahaha… awww. -sigh- Hmmmm… so. Relationships. Slash relationshit. ‘Tis been floating ’round my head for quite some time now. Idk. I could write forever about it or not at all. I think I’d prefer the latter.

UGGGHHhhhh… my hair is SO long… ok, it’s not that long. It’s been longer … and looked fabulous at the same time. But I just want it shorter for once. And I want to be hired at Gap. And I want to not be sitting here like a zombie.

So… possibilities for tomorrow:

Visit Gap.
Tan or be outside.
Get haircut.

Sounds good to me. So umm… yeah. Ooh, an also.

Sort out garage sale stuff.

Ok. I’m tired/stupid/bored/boring so I’m going to go away. Bye

May 11, 2009


I’ve concluded that I have found the purpose of Western-type, Abrahamic religion. All virtues are rooted in appreciation and gratitude which result in love and respect – one loves and respects the things one is grateful for and appreciative of. Sometimes in our lives, the wonders of the world are enough to feed and nourish our gratitude. Oftentimes, in fact they are, the world if full of so many delightful things that cater to different appetites. The joy of having friends and laughing, the joy of taking care of each other, of mingling with children. The joy of beauty, designing, creating, and appreciating it. On and on they go. The joy of knowledge. The joy of skill, of sport, of competition. The appreciation of an all-powerful god that is supposed to have gifted mankind with of all these enjoyable things can add to one’s supply of appreciable things, hence more motivation to live and work. The two can work together, intensifying one’s desire, zest, and zeal for life. Sometimes the joys of life are so excitable and satisfying by themselves that the need for a generous god is lessened. This can happen especially when one exercises humility and compassion, love. Other times people feel depressed and dark, as if nothing in life is appreciable, that life is without worth. It is during these times that these people often turn to religion to give them something to appreciate. When the mind is incapable of appreciating life itself, it may be easier to appreciate this ethereal vessel, this invisible provider of lovable things. Showing gratefulness to these gods gives life a more basic and fundamental purpose which allows people in despair to crawl out of their metaphorical pits and reachieve zest for life.

What keeps me then from school? Perhaps my history with school, what teachers and students think of me – people’s perception of me. Perhaps, my low self-esteem, which is a result of who-knows-what, and ultimately my own thoughts and frame of mind. Perhaps my lack of confidants, people who I’ve known all my life, people who I can say anything to and laugh about it. Ultimately, what can I not appreciate about school? What is it at school that lessens desire and appreciation within me? The things above are probable causes. 

A few years ago I had a revelation similar to this one when I was in the bouts of depression. I coined a phrase or mantra that I repeated in my head that helped me through my troubled times – two of them actually. One was “positive perception.” I have the freedom at anytime to perceive things however I want to perceive them. I can perceive the world and any aspects positively, negatively, or neutrally. Most important at the time was what I thought about myself and what I thought that other people thought about me. What I thought about the mistakes I made. Positive perception allowed me to be much more grateful for the things I had in life – exponentially so. I truly felt so much better. I have so much to be grateful for now. Despite my below-par academic performance this year, I’m still going to be allowed to graduate high school. So long as my new GPA doesn’t affect my scholarships, I have an almost free ride to a competent university. I have the opportunity for virtually limitless knowledge, new outlets to make friends, to express myself, to meet people at an international level. I recently turned 18. And so on. Chances are you can find similar things to appreciate in your own life. Also, I can perceive the people around me positively or negatively. Sometimes, I assume that people are not my friends or don’t like me when the truth is they do. Maybe someone even loves me and I’m not paying attention to it, or I’m so centered on hating myself that I can’t perceive or even believe that somebody else really loves me. When I think about it, there really are a lot of people here who are probably my friends, but I have been perceiving the entire situation negatively – extremely, extremely negatively. Even as I type this, I have a hard time believe certain people I’ve met are willing to be my friend. It’s very hard for me actually. I have so ingrained in myself this negative image of me. This is all very difficult. But I need to remember and continue to tell myself that it is rue. People like me. Maybe they even love me. But people like me, they really like me. (Isn’t there an old movie where the main character says something like… “I’m so-and-so, I this-and-that, and besides, people like me”? I can’t remember what it’s called or exactly what he says.) Most important I need to like me. I need to perceive my life positively. And in the event that I came, I can turn to one of these gods. I can’t believe I just wrote all that. You know, it’s really stupid how some people use their gods as an excuse for hatefulness and prejudice, for exclusion and separation. The true meaning of religion is that we are all interconnected and all depend on each other in one way or another and we need to instill love and acceptance into ourselves so that we can coexist. But anyway. Time is running out. I only have about 4 more minutes to type. Quickly, the second mantra I used to use was “Don’t make assumptions.” This served as mechanism to rid my life of negative perceptions for the most part. I pray to God that I can make some positive assumptions today, and in my life. I hope this text can help someone else. It’s helped me a little. Thanks, and ttyl.

Move On, Man!

May 4, 2009

Yeah… that’s what I need to do. ^^^^ Right up there. *exhale* So anyway. That’s it for now.

Oop, there it is!

April 29, 2009

Hey there… I’ve been making some not-so-good decisions lately. Kind of. Yeah, I have. But  I don’t wanna talk about them. Maybe later.

And I want to say ‘hey’ to Lauren! ^_^ Cause I love her and she gave me my first comment ever. So woohoo to that… um… this Monday, April 27th, I got to register for my fall classes at UNK! So I’m really happy about that, and the whole prospect of the moving out of the house thing… I still have all summer to live at home though… =( That’s about it… I have more to talk about but I don’t have the time. Sooo… maybe later? Lots of love. Alex

And I Hear in My Mind…

April 24, 2009

I have had so much music going through my head this morning. And it’s only 11:42 am. I’m trying to remember everything that’s been in my head. Here’s a least from most recent to earliest.

Regina Spektor // Fidelity
Rocky Horror Picture Show // Touch Me
Rihanna // Umbrella
Avenue Q // Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist
T.A.T.U. //  Not Gonna Get Us
B-52s // Love Shack 
REM // Furry Happy Monsters 

I think that’s pretty much it. Anyway… today has been so weird. I never thought I’d catch senioritis but I swear, today I have it worse than anyone else I know. I came in to the library to start on an overdue assignment, but decided not to. I have, like, 1 minute anyway; I wouldn’t have finished it. So… I don’t know what I’m going to do this weekend. Apparently there a lots of alcoholic parties going on but I don’t really know if I want to go. The bell rang. So I’m leaving. I’m going to clean my room. Later.